New Moon, teenage crack, and sexual napalm

After watching Twilight: New Moon, Sara Vilkomerson of the New York observer said, “I–and the 13-year-old girl that will forever live inside me—totally get it!” For millions of teenage girls, this series is like crack. I mean this movie is really romantic, filled with desperate longing and dramatic tension. For me, a failed romantic who once whole-heartedly believed in courtship and the virtues of chivalry, chastity, and all that good stuff—I more or less get it. No, this will not be a movie review of New Moon, but an article in trying to decipher the metaphor and phenomenon behind it.

I’m not necessarily talking about a girl’s obsession with Mr. Dreamy Distant Guy, but this prevalence of estranged or damaged relationships between guys and girls have been occurring for as long as I can remember. I see or hear about these occurrences every so often, but since it’s always so vague and comes through different circumstances, I’ve never been able to catch it. Like fragmented memories stowed away, until eventually through the years you recognize similar incidents, and it starts forming a clearer picture. I’m not a good enough writer to fully capture these occurrences but I will try my best.

(Some of this may sound like pop psychology, but I will address them anyways)

In New Moon, the brooding, McDreamy, cold, vampire Edward has just dumped Bella and now Bella goes into this depression of longing, moping, and literally screaming in bed. (The movie had an unintended comedic scene when the dad seemed to have a “Got damn it!!” moment when he was suddenly woken by the piercing shrieks. But I digress from my poking fun, because I “get it”.) I’ve always wondered why some girls are just so infatuated with certain jerks. As Dane Cook once hilariously reenacted between two girl friends:

“Jill, why don’t you just leave him?!”

“Karen, it’s not that easy! … My cds are in his car! It would take years for me to replace those cds!”

Funny, but true at the lameness of these procured excuses.

Ms. Vilkomerson writes, “Having the guy who dumps you explain it was because he really really loves you is not helpful for the female psyche.” What if the guy is actually sort of terrible and mean? What about that long held question of “Why do girls like jerks?” Ms. Vilkomerson continues, it’s also, “the irresistible masochism of Edward’s alternately cold and attentive behavior to Bella.” Ohh I get it, chivalry and a nurturing friendship can sometimes be mistaken for being a man poodle or in Jacob’s case, man wolf. So guys can be cold and mean, but attach it with hints of attention and apologies and they’ll come right back. Of course, this won’t work if the girl is not attracted.

In their initial meeting, Edward was the mysterious hot guy that gave all his attention to little ol’ out-of-towner Bella. Edward eventually tells Bella his deep dark secret which is that he stays away from humans because he wants to drink their blood. But little Bella is special because regardless of that, he still wants to be with her. Edward is friggin good here. So I’m this mysterious distant guy that no girl can penetrate, but you’re the only one I’ve let enter my life and revealed my secrets to. If I’m this girl, I’m thinking even if this guy becomes really mean, I know the truth about him, he cares about me, he let me in, I’m special, I CAN CHANGE HIM.

Then there’s the whole issue of abstinence and sexually laden dialogue. “Edward, I want you to be the one to do it,” Bella says. Wait a sec, are we talking about turning into awesome vampires or we talking about the horizontal polka?  My junior year in high school, in a group with guys and girls, someone made the comment “You say you want to wait until marriage to have sex, but you never know, you can’t really control when the time will come.” Coming from the conservative church, I thought to myself that’s completely absurd, but everybody else seemed to be nodding in agreement. The summer before I went to college, I remember quite vividly during a WHCC service, our youth director interviewed me me on what kind of things I would have done without Christ in my life. Without filtering my thoughts, I blurted the first thing that popped into my head, “probably drinking and having sex.” The congregation laughed, but I said that with absolute sincerity.

The basic human need for sex is overwhelming for young hot-blooded virgins, aka Bella and Edward, aka practically every teen in the world. A friend once pointed out to me that even though some girls play hard to get and may have majority say in the initial relationship, once you get them, I mean really get them deep into the relationship (this may or may not involve sex), they are so easily influenced. I’m dumbfounded by this unwavering control a guy has over a girl. Even though women are the supposed gatekeeper to sex, for couples who haven’t gone that far, I believe a guy can carry his girlfriend as far as he wants. It saddens me a little to see a girl so easily swayed. I’m not a feminist, but I value a girl’s independence. But then again, maybe she wants it also. Quoting Ms. Vilkomerson again, “They can’t have sex, though they both (really) want to. Wrap your head around the implications of that!”

Roger Ebert wisely points out, “The Twilight Saga is an extended metaphor for teen chastity, in which the punishment for being deflowered I will leave to your imagination.” Thank you Roger for that launching point. I think we all know the emotional connectedness that women have towards sex that men may not understand as much. So what happens when that couple crosses that emotional line? Punishment? Maybe it’s the punishment of not being fully aware or ready for sex for the first time? Tying in with the whole control and sexual relationship, some of the emotions when the relationship turns sour are similar to that of beaten wife syndrome: insecurity, loyalty, fear, wanting to help, denial, guilt, shame and humiliation, demolished self-esteem. That chaotic cocoon of emotion blocks out all reason and rationale from concerned friends and family.  My basic psychotherapy professor once instructed me that when a person is deeply involved in their problems, reasoning becomes overrated.

I’ve hit a writer’s wall so I’ll just end this. I admit, this article was a bit a disorienting and the structure reminded me of a 16 year-old teenage girl’s blog. But maybe trying to wrap your head around teen romance does that to people.

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